Seven days of silence: Reflections on the book of Job :: 4

Three of Job's friends were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. When they heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to demonstrate their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. And no one said a word, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

The second chapter of Job concludes with three of Job’s friends visiting him. Their response to him is powerful - they too weep, and are so overcome by what they see that they just sit on the ground with Job and say nothing. And not just for an hour or two. Seven days and nights. That is a long time to sit in solidarity with someone who is suffering. Without saying a single word.

This response is so different what we see our culture. We may similarly feel that we don't know what to say, that the suffering is too great for words. But rather than silence, we have two main responses - we avoid the person altogether, or we come out with awkward sentences, platitudes maybe. We emanate an unspoken fear of even saying the person’s name, let alone acknowledging his or her death. The words “I am so sorry” become impregnated with all that we would wish to say. Or at least we hope so. If only our culture permitted us to say what is needed without uttering a word. If only our physical presence alone could be interpreted as a silently powerful symbol of our empathy, care and shared grief. We tend to busy ourselves around the bereaved, looking for ways to help. Of course there are many tasks that follow death in our culture, and assistance with them is helpful to the bereaved person. However, tasks can rapidly replace words or silence. Management becomes a panacea for our own discomfort.

Recently I watched the third episode of Caprica (season 2). Caprica is a futuristic city, with a parallel online reality, accessed through wearing “Holo-bands”. One of the show’s pivotal characters, Daniel Graystone (owner of a substantial company) loses his daughter through an act of terrorism. Daniel creates an avatar of his daughter. He then attempts to market a concept of eradicating grief through the a created capacity to relate to the dead person indefinitely via their avatar. The online relationship becomes the means to preserve people forever, the digital antidote to grief. The experience of grief is suspended and ultimately regarded unecessary.

Contrast this aversion to grief with the Jewish response to loss of a loved one. The bereaved observes seven days of mourning. Friends and family pay a visit to the mourner during the seven days. Traditionally visitors do not greet or initiate conversation - they wait for the bereaved person to speak. The bereaved person doesn’t have to say anything, and may completely ignore the visitors. You can find a detailed account of bereavement in Jewish culture here. Job’s friends supported as befitted their culture. This is probably the most nurturing picture of Job's friends in the whole book of Job.

This passage marks the end of the second chapter. The scene has been conclusively painted for us. Prose gives way to poetry as the book shifts gear. The silence in the ashes contrasts starkly to the river of words that rush through the ensuing chapters.